Today I got a chance to practice my German. While I have no trouble expressing myself over the phone, talking German to someone in person becomes more and more difficult. It’s like I can’t snap out of the reality surrounding me. During the first five minutes, I made horrible grammatical mistakes and accidentally fell back into English a couple of times. It was pretty embarrassing. Maybe she thought I was putting it on, to seem special, or to show off how well I’ve settled, or something equally retarded. I’m not proud of losing my grasp of the German language: For sixteen years it provided me with a framework to think and communicate. Looks like the framework has come tumbling down… No, I’m being dramatic. The conversation started to flow once I had overcome the initial unfamiliarity. But it’s true that I don’t feel at home in my native language anymore. I’ve lost the feeling for it, when I used to be so eloquent (in writing at least). Why should I be surprised? Surely language is simply another part of the culture that I have grown alienated from. Sometimes, to make up for my “linguistic degeneration”, I sit down with a copy of Faust and revel in Goethe’s mastery of German. It might feel more foreign now, but the pleasure sure is more intense!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Losing My Mother Tongue
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2 comments:
If you have lost your mother tongue, you have gained quite a mastery over your adoptive one.
I am an American living in London, dreaming of living in New Zealand.
Thank you for keeping your blog. It makes me feel better knowing that someone, somewhere, is able to describe leaving home so well.
The problem of living away from home is that like it or not sooner or later you start to lose some of your identity and start gaining characteristics of the place where you are living now. Your blog is really great :)
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