“We are, finally, all wanderers in search of knowledge. Most of us hold the dream of becoming something better than we are, something larger, richer, in some way more important to the world and ourselves. Too often, the way taken is the wrong way, with too much emphasis on what we want to have, rather than what we wish to become.”
Louis L’Amour: Education of a Wandering Man
Today I got a chance to practice my German. While I have no trouble expressing myself over the phone, talking German to someone in person becomes more and more difficult. It’s like I can’t snap out of the reality surrounding me. During the first five minutes, I made horrible grammatical mistakes and accidentally fell back into English a couple of times. It was pretty embarrassing. Maybe she thought I was putting it on, to seem special, or to show off how well I’ve settled, or something equally retarded. I’m not proud of losing my grasp of the German language: For sixteen years it provided me with a framework to think and communicate. Looks like the framework has come tumbling down… No, I’m being dramatic. The conversation started to flow once I had overcome the initial unfamiliarity. But it’s true that I don’t feel at home in my native language anymore. I’ve lost the feeling for it, when I used to be so eloquent (in writing at least). Why should I be surprised? Surely language is simply another part of the culture that I have grown alienated from. Sometimes, to make up for my “linguistic degeneration”, I sit down with a copy of Faust and revel in Goethe’s mastery of German. It might feel more foreign now, but the pleasure sure is more intense!
Last week I attended a seminar with both German and
